Home

Disclaimer: 

Sometimes writing is therapeutic for me and helps me get my emotions out.  So my thoughts are scattered all over the place and I don't care.

I've been thinking a ton lately about what makes a house a home.  It's not the furniture or the decorations you use.  It's not the type of counter tops you have or the fancy tile or window coverings.  It's not even the neighbors.  What makes a house a home is-to me-my family.  My sweet girls and my loving husband.  It's the spirit that we have in our home because of the love we have for each other.  And no matter where we go in life, we will always be together.  So in this house or the next, so long as we are together, that will be our home.  I'm so grateful to know this. 

We are finally coming to the end of our long drawn out process of moving.  Last year was a little rough around the edges for us and despite our best and most honest efforts, we were forced to do a short sale on our home.  The timing of everything has been amazing to me, as my work slowed down during the exact times I really needed it to last year.  My emotions have really run the gamut during the past few months.  When we learned we were moving, I was totally fine at first.  "It's just a house", I thought.  No big deal.  Furniture is just furniture and we can always buy new stuff when we have room for it again.  It'll be kind of nice to go through things; sell stuff off and cleanse ourselves of things we don't really need or use.  Get organized!  Yeah, it'll be great.  No big deal.  

But as the time to move got closer and closer, I started being a little (or a lot) spoiled.  I think these feelings started when I began looking at rental homes.  99.9% of the rentals out there are in pretty crusty shape.  And really really small (ok, not small.  just small compared to what we are used to.  see?  spoiled!) for a really  not so small price.  To me, my home is special.  It's clean.  It's new.  It's in fantastic shape.  We brought our three beautiful daughters straight from the hospital to this home.  I remember telling Clint the very first night we stayed in this house that I was pregnant with Sage.  We were eating a sub sandwich on the floor and had boxes piled high all around us.  I have lots of wonderful memories from this home and I'm so grateful for them.  Clint and I have put our blood, sweat and tears into each and every room of our home.  We have painted, put in window coverings, fans, sunscreens, crown molding, bead board, decking, landscaping, etc.  It's been so fun to do all of this with Clint and do things together to make our home unique to us.  It's sad to walk away from all of that work.  It's hard watching people walk through your home and talk about how much they love it when you don't really want to be leaving it.  It's been hard not knowing where we are going to live.  The limbo-ness of this has been the worst for me because I'm not great at not knowing what's ahead.  I'm a planner and a nester so the uncertainty of it all has been hard.  It's been extremely difficult to know we are leaving our neighborhood.  I LOVE my hood.  I love my friends and the girls' friends.  We have been so blessed to be able to live around such amazing people.  I have learned, though, that everything happens for a reason.  I've learned to be more empathetic.  When my parents left their home in Texas, I can remember talking to my mom on the phone telling her "don't worry, mom.  It's just a house and it's just furniture.  You can buy more and everything will be just fine".  And that's totally true, but I've learned it is still ok to be sad about those things.  When you work really hard to earn your things and then have to let them go, it's hard.  Katherine and I were talking about all of this at one point and I kept talking about how I really should be just fine because things could be a WHOLE lot worse.  Her comment was that ya, things could be a lot worse.  But that doesn't mean you still can't be sad.  She said, "It's ok to be sad Marianne".  And that was the first time anyone said that to me.  I had been feeling so awful about feeling sad because I would think about all of the awful things that happen in the world and think to myself, good grief Marianne!  Buck up already!  You have your health and your family so what else matters?!  I've come to the conclusion, though, that any problem or trial, no matter how big or small, is deserving of emotion.  

The new owners take over May 25th, so we have been looking like crazy for a place to move.  After weeks of looking and not finding much of anything, we were blessed with a great opportunity that is too good to pass up.  One of my sweet brothers offered us a place that he is willing to rent to us for a scream until we can buy it from him in a year or two.  It's slightly out of what our initial budget for a home was, but it's a home we can grow into and live in for as long as we want, and since we are eventually planning to own it, we feel better about spending more on it since it's not "just a rental".  It's pretty fantastic.  It's completely different from what we are in now, and that scares the beejeezus out of me.  But I think once I get used to my fears(...because despite what Clint thinks I will NEVER get PAST them...) of bugs and critters and dust and dirt, I will love it.  My girls already do.  It's a half mile from Clint's folks.  About two miles from my folks.  And about 3 miles from BJ and Kat.  So pretty fantastic.  

My emotions are still all over the place and I'm still pretty nervous about things.  I think anytime you make a big move that's the way it is, though.  I suspect we are all in for some real adventures and new things that will make us stronger and grow closer together as a family.  I've been praying like mad to know that this is the best decision for our family.  I've always had a hard time discerning answers to my prayers, and today at church I told Clint that because he is the patriarch of our home, the decision was his.  I asked him to really pray about it and make sure he knew what we were doing because I've been a hot mess.  I'm putting my trust in him because I know that he is putting his trust in Him.  I know that Heavenly Father knows best and that everything happens for a reason.   We will always be taken care of and in good hands.  Moving into a place that excites/scares me makes packing up a bit easier.  It's hard to leave, but I'm anxious to see what the future holds for us in our new HOME.  I'm excited to make it our HOME with my family.  

So.  If you don't hear from me for awhile, it's because I'm up to my eyeballs in boxes.  Wish us luck!

and because I want these pictures.....

front:

 

entry:

  

 living/dining:

 closet under stairs:

 kitchen:

 downstairs bathroom:

 family room:

 master bed/bath/closet:

 hall closet:

 loft:

 hallway:

 Sage and Charlotte's room: (which never got finished...)

 Emery's room:

 laundry room:

 bathroom: